I had always known my vagina was broken. A diagnosis of sexual dysfunction is never fun. It rocks your sex life in the worst ways. When I was diagnosed with vaginismus, my long held feeling that my vagina was broken was confirmed. I had never been able to insert a tampon growing up. And when I finally had my first pap smear at 18 I finally knew. Even the smallest speculum – the one they use for children – left me in tears. I felt broken, stupid and overdramatic, and tried to ignore the cramps I had for the rest of the day. When I first started having sex, penetration brought on a burning, stabbing pain. So much so that it took me entirely out of the moment, but I thought it was something I had to get used to. Wasn’t it normal for it to be uncomfortable the first few times? In the recesses of my mind, I knew it wasn’t meant to be like this, that sex should never hurt so much. But I ignored my better judgment in order to feel some sense of peace. Vaginismus: The Diagnosis For those who don’t know vagnismus is the tightening of vaginal muscles upon penetration. I first heard about it at uni, and it explained my body instantly. I went to a gynecologist immediately, only to find I was so tight that she couldn’t even attempt an internal exam!